The Spelling Bee

90210, S01 E02: The Jet Set.

Morning, on the terrace, Tabitha tells Harry that her damn computer froze up again. Harry asks what she spilled on it this time, and she says scotch…she means iced tea, the good iced tea. Debbie says she’ll take it to the repair shop for her, but Tabitha says she’ll do it herself, since she need to pick up some more “iced tea” anyway. Harry reminds her that she can’t drive, and that’s why there’s a big sticker on her heart medication that says not to operate heavy machinery. Tabitha dismissively says it’s a Mercedes, not a corn thresher. She adds conspiratorially that she needs to finish her memoirs before her friend Virginia does, as they’ve slept with all the same people, whereupon Dixon appears, looking revolted, and says that if he’d walked in five seconds later he wouldn’t have had to hear that. Annie appears behind him, bidding everyone a tearful good morning. When they ask what’s wrong, she says that she and Jason broke up – they’re both geographically undesirable. Unsympathetic, Dixon says he could’ve told her that was going to happen, and she says that doesn’t make it any easier. “I say goodbye to Huckleberry Finn,” says Tabitha, “and hello to California boys.” Harry tells Dixon that he’ll take him to practice, and asks Debbie if he can talk to her for a second.

Indoors, he tells Debbie that Tracy called again this morning. Debbie asks what he’s going to do, and he says he has no idea. He adds that he wants to handle this the right way for the two of them. Debbie says she didn’t expect to wake up on Saturday morning and hear that her husband has a child with another woman. Harry says he’s sorry this dropped in her lap, but he promises her that they will handle this together. The phone rings, and Debbie looks at caller ID, saying that it’s Antonio – first day on the job, and he’s called her ten times about this shoot. Harry’s phone rings and he says it’s school. They agree to talk about this tonight, and as Debbie walks out, Harry picks up the phone. “What, the whole front hallway?” he asks.

At school, the floor is covered in trash and the walls are covered in graffiti. Ethan walks in and looks disgusted, and one of his teammates says that the lacrosse team at Palisades Hall did this. The others agree, but Harry tells them to listen up – he knows they’re pissed, and he would want revenge if he were in their shoes too, but they’re not going to retaliate. Ethan asks if he’s kidding, but Harry says they’ll let the school board handle this, and get back at Palisades Hall on the field. Dixon says that’s a terrible idea, and Harry coldly says he didn’t ask his opinion. He tells them that this gives them the chance to show what kind of men they are. “What, wussy men?” demands a random lacrosse player, and Ethan nods in agreement, but Harry says that there will be no retaliation or pranks on Palisades Hall. Everyone is silent, and Harry repeats himself. Mr Matthews tells them that they heard the principal, and they all mumble assent.

Ethan goes up to Naomi, and pulls a battered rose out of his bag, saying that he got her this – it didn’t travel well, but it made him think of her. “Because it’s crushed?” she asks. Aw. Ethan asks if they’re going to be OK, and she sighs and says she hopes so, adding that she’ll meet him after class. They part ways, and Ethan spots Annie, calling after her. He tells her he wants to apologise for all the stuff he put her through last week, and she says it’s OK. He says it’s not, but anyway, how is she? Annie sadly says that Jason, her boyfriend from back home, broke up with her. Ethan says that sucks, kindly offering to kick his ass for her, but Annie says Jason’d kill Ethan…but thanks for the thought. Ethan is miffed.

In an empty classroom Annie finds a couple of guys, one playing the guitar and one singing. They are fairly decent, and, as Annie listens, smiling, she drops her book and apologises profusely as they look up. The singer smiles – his teeth are actually blinding with their obviously fake whiteness – and asks if they were that bad, but sycophantic Annie insists that they were great. She introduces herself, saying that she’s in the musical too, but she’s just in the chorus, he probably hasn’t noticed her. The guy silkily says he’s noticed her, before apologising that he’s in rehearsal, and Annie urges him to do his thing. He tells the guitar dude to take it from the top, and he and Annie flash polar white smiles at each other as she leaves.

In class, Mr Matthews does his hip, sarcastic teacher thing, as Adrianna sits at her desk in a big emo slump, the hood on her hoodie up and her earphones in. When she starts singing along, Mr Matthews waves to get her attention, and she removes an earbud, apologising. The bell rings, which makes no temporal sense, given that he seemed to be just starting a class moments before. Mr Matthews asks Adrianna what’s up with her. She says she’s OK, just distracted – she has this really big audition for this movie this week and she hasn’t been able to sleep. She is very red about the eye, but I’ll wager that has more to do with being hepped up on goofballs than lack of sleep. Mr Matthews asks what happens if she gets the job, and Adrianna, as if speaking to a tiny child, explains that then she would be in a movie and make lots of money. “So you can buy a new cell phone, or a fancy pair of shoes, or a new car you don’t need?” bitches Mr Matthews, and really, why would you be a teacher in Beverly Hills when you hate rich kids so much? But Adrianna says no: so she can pay the mortgage, because her mom can’t. Ha, in your face, Matthews! I know I am supposed to like him, but with his stupid trendy hair and incessant bitching he is skating on thin ice.

In the lunch queue, Naomi icily asks Annie if she enjoyed her party, and Annie says she knows she shouldn’t have crashed. Naomi bends over, exposing a kanji tattoo on her lower back, which Annie admires, and Naomi says she doesn’t blame her for crashing, it was a fabulous party – she just didn’t expect to see Annie there, with all her morals and everything. She walks off and Annie laughs. Elsewhere in the queue, Mr Matthews tells Kelly that if she sits with him he’ll let her have half his sandwich. Kelly suggests she sit with him and he keeps his sandwich, and he asks if anyone ever told her she’s too easy. Not in this series!

Dixon walks into the cafeteria and sees Ethan with a couple of other lacrosse dudes at a table, obviously plotting. Joining them, Dixon asks if they’re going to get back at Palisades or what, but Ethan unconvincingly says no, he heard what Mr Wilson said – no retaliation, right? Dixon smiles and tells them to come on, he wants in on this – he’s not going to tell anyone, but one of the randoms reminds him that he’s the principal’s kid.

Elsewhere, Silver looks at her laptop and announces that this may be her best “blogisode” yet. Blogisode? I am so past it. Annie says that scares her, and Silver says ominously that she shouldn’t be scared – others should be scared. Annie tells Silver that it’s kind of mean, and it makes Annie feel like she can’t tell Silver stuff. The singing dude from the classroom passes, and he and Annie exchange significant glances. Silver is agog, and ignores Annie’s denials, saying that Ty Collins practically just put his tongue in Annie’s mouth, and if Ty Collins is into Annie, Annie should be into Ty Collins. Annie reminds Silver that her last relationship ended six hours ago, but Silver tells her that the cure for a break-up is a hook-up – Ty does tend to leave other girls broken and sobbing at his locker, but for temporary distraction, he’s Annie’s man. Annie points out that that is a terrible recommendation, and she really doesn’t think Ty’s that into her. She looks over at him, and, of course, he is looking back and smiling. Silver leaves, making an orgasm face as she passes Ty. Annie laughs, and Ty comes over and asks Annie if she wants to grab dinner tonight after rehearsal.

At Naomi’s locker, a Goth girl in full corpse-paint approaches and says she’s so sorry that happened to her, she doesn’t know why people cheat. Naomi asks who she is and why she’s speaking to her. Goth Girl displays a laptop, showing Silver’s Vicious Circle. On screen, Silver introduces a puppet show that re-enacts the blowjob-in-the-car incident.

Naomi stalks up to Ethan and shrieks at him that everyone knows. Ethan shame-facedly says he’s sorry, and Naomi slaps the hell out of him. It is undeniably awesome, and I am liking Naomi more and more.

In the Peach Pit, which makes me sad because it is nothing like the Peach Pit of yore, one of Naomi’s acolytes tells her that slap is going to be legendary. “The harder the slap, the faster they run back,” says Naomi, and Acolyte 1 tells her she should write a relationship blog. Naomi exchanges glances with George, who is standing at the counter, and says that they should wait until they see the next part of her plan.

Chez Wilson, Navid and Dixon play video games, as Navid asks why Dixon wants to do anything with those jock asses anyway, since they’re just going to end up selling tyres or car insurance. Dixon explains that the fun part of being on a team is being part of a team, but Navid wouldn’t know that because he was never on one. On screen, Navid destroys Dixon, calling him his bitch, and tells him that he was on a team in sixth grade. He played soccer with all those guys, but he kept scoring for the other team so they respectfully parted ways. Dixon tells him he just has to come up with the dopest prank ever, so they won’t even think of him as the principal’s kid any more. Aw, this scene is cute, probably because it is transparently harking back to the Seth/Ryan scenes in the early seasons of the OC. Damn, I miss that show.

Debbie, at some sort of bizarre ANTM-esque fashion shoot in a pagoda, is on the phone to Annie, who tells her that she’s just going to grab a bite with a guy from the play, is that OK? Debbie asks what friend, and, from Ty’s swanky silver convertible, Annie smiles at Ty and says it’s just a guy. Excited, Debbie asks if this is a date, adding that that was fast, but Annie says it’s just a hang. She knows it’s a school night, but she and Ty just want to hang and talk about the play…and it’d be nice to have something to take her mind off Jason. She promises she won’t be out late, and Debbie offers to make her a deal: Debbie’s going to be working later than she thought, so can Annie and Ty drop by and pick up grandma’s computer and drop it off to her before their “hang”? Annie cheerfully agrees, and Debbie tells her to be home by 10. “Love you, see you at 9.59,” Annie chirps.

Chez Wilson, Dixon and Navid are researching pranks online when Tabitha drifts in, clutching a glass. Navid hides the laptop, as Tabitha says she’s just waiting for Annie to bring her computer back – and she heard about the trash at school. She sits on the bed and tells Dixon that Harry loved a good prank: his senior year he and the team got fifty pigs and released them on Palisades’ field. It took them six hours to catch them all and then they had to play the game in pig poop. Dixon laughs, and Tabitha says she’ll let them get back to their studies. She leaves, and Navid says he has an idea. He and Dixon high five.

Ty drives Annie onto some sort of runway, and she cluelessly says it looks like an airport. Ty says it is, and Annie asks why the planes are so small. “Private planes, private airport,” Ty explains. Annie asks where the restaurant is, and Ty says it’s in San Francisco. Shades of Pretty Woman! Are modern day teenagers too young for this sort of reference? Annie looks dumbfounded.

Over the phone, at the airport, Annie tells Silver that Ty has a jet: it’s the coolest thing ever, just like Pretty Woman, but Annie’s not a whore. Huh, guess not, then. In the Peach Pit, Silver tells Annie that Ty is the richest guy in school, and she has a solid “say yes to jet” policy, so what’s the problem? Annie says the problem is her mom would kill her, because she almost didn’t let her go when she thought they were eating at “ash burger.” Is that right? Is Ash Burger a thing? Am I going to have to get an ear trumpet for further recaps? Silver dismissively says that it’s an hour flight, which is like being stuck on Sunset in traffic. As Annie swithers, Silver tells her to stop being such a farm girl and go, she’ll talk to her later.

Silver goes over to Naomi and, with faux sympathy, says she’s so sorry to hear about Ethan rejecting her. Naomi’s such a good person, she deserves to be happy. “He didn’t reject her, bitch, she slapped him,” Adrianna snaps. “Yeah, his cheating was really an act of love,” retorts Silver, laughing.

Plane. Annie tells Ty that, just so he knows, she’s trying to play it cool, but she’s totally freaking out right now. It is only now that I realise that, despite looking completely acceptable from the waist up, Annie is wearing white capri pants, white frilly socks, and black mary janes. What, do they have some sort of lunatic stylist that they’ll only let loose on the bottom half of people’s bodies? Ty says he’s freaking out too – he just talked to the pilot and he’s slurring his words. Wide-eyed, Annie asks if he’s serious, and Ty laughs and says no, adding that Annie calls her mom, and freaks out about a plane – it’s cute. Annie says that doesn’t sound like a good thing, but Ty says it’s a great thing.

In the parking lot, Kelly tells Mr Matthews – henceforth Ryan, when he’s not in his teacherly persona – that she hated the business side of the fashion world, and she had her degree in psychology, so she went back and got her masters and here she is. She asks Ryan how he got started in teaching. “For the chicks,” he says. His schtick is getting old, but Kelly laughs, and Ryan pounces, saying that he wanted to ask her something outside of school: will she go to dinner with him sometime? Uncertain, Kelly says she doesn’t know, and Ryan asks whether that’s an “I’m just not that into you” I don’t know, or a “play coy and make him sweat” I don’t know. Kelly explains that she’ll have to get a babysitter. “You have a kid?” asks Ryan. Kelly says that this is where he can retract the offer with no hurt feelings, but Ryan says it doesn’t bother him, everybody comes with some baggage. Ooh, nice. Kelly snippily says that she doesn’t really consider her son baggage, and Ryan, desperately back-pedaling, says he doesn’t know why it came out like that, he didn’t mean that – what he meant was, how old is he? “Four and a half,” Kelly says testily, and Ryan insincerely says that is a wonderful age…he doesn’t know if that’s true, but he hears people say it and he thought maybe it was the right thing to say. “See you,” says Kelly, getting into her car, and, “See you,” says Ryan, “…never,” as she slams the door.

On a film set, Navid explains to Dixon that his dad is a movie producer. They come to a pen holding some pigs, and Dixon laughs, saying that this is crazy. Navid asks the guy in charge what time they wrap, and when he says in a couple of hours, Navid says they’ll be back later. As they walk through the set, Navid hugs a buxom blonde woman in a robe, saying it’s good to see her. Dixon starts to catch on, and, as Navid snacks from a buffet, Dixon asks what kind of movies his dad produces. “Porn,” says Navid casually, adding that he’s the biggest producer of X-rated movies in the world. Excited, Dixon asks if they can stay and watch, but Navid says no, his dad only has two rules: no watching porn until you’re 21, and always eat dinner together.

In San Francisco, Annie and Ty walk along by the harbour, and Ty says he wishes he knew what Annie was thinking. Annie smiles and says she’s thinking that she just had the best meal she ever ate at the fanciest restaurant she’s ever been to – where did he learn to speak Italian, anyway? Ty says that that’s the upside of spending all his summers in Italy. Laughing, Annie asks what the downside is, and Ty says there isn’t one. I hope Ty doesn’t turn out to have some sort of traumatic secret; what with all the “poor little rich kid” shit that the old 90210 used to pull, I long for a kid who can straightforwardly enjoy his grotesque wealth. Annie says that this night is nothing like she thought it would be, and Ty asks if that’s a good thing. They put their arms around each other, and Annie says it’s a great thing.