The Spelling Bee

90210, S01 E07: Hollywood Forever.

Last week: Kelly dumped her teenage half-sister and her quasi boyfriend to run back to her high school boyfriend, and Ryan sought solace in the arms of Brenda. Naomi tried to get her parents back together, failed, and broke up with Ethan. Adrianna showed a flicker of humanity by coming clean with Annie and Ty about her deception, but then decided Annie was a narc and she hated her after all, and sought solace in the arms of sweet, sweet cocaine. Oh, and Dixon punched an old perv who was hitting on Silver. This week: lots of tedious flirtation between Annie and Ethan, Tracy decides to find her and Harry’s birth son, and seriously, kids, drugs are really, really bad. Really.

Harry comes into Ryan’s classroom and introduces Kimberly MacIntyre, a new girl, transferring to West Beverly today. She is predictably young and hot and full of attitude. Ryan tells her to have a seat next to Annie, and Annie gushes that she was the new girl up until now, so she totally knows how Kimberly feels. Kimberly coolly says that Annie mustn’t have been that good at the job, because now she has it. Annie looks crestfallen, and when Ryan, unimpressed, asks Kimberly to tell them about herself, Kimberly suggests they take whatever Annie said about herself and make it better. After some prodding, Kim finally says she’s from Las Vegas, she wears a size eight shoe, she has three piercings, but she won’t say where, and she loves tacos. Slightly gobsmacked, and dare I say it, turned on, Ryan says he also loves tacos, and Kim sassily asks if he has any piercings. Ooh, are we gearing up for a student teacher romp? Bring it!

In some random kind of life skills class that you don’t get in the UK, the teacher announces that they’re being paired up for that Fake Baby project that has been used in every North American teen soap since time immemorial, though at least times have moved on and they get realistic wailing-and-shitting baby dolls, rather than eggs, which they used in Degrassi back in the day. Man, that takes me back. But I digress! One obnoxious dude called Mike announces that looking after a baby is women’s work, and whoever’s paired with him better “recognise.” The teacher promptly tells him he’s paired with Navid. Way to use Navid as a tool of punishment, there. Poor Navid looks horrified, as well he might, given that he seems to have been demoted to occasional comedy sideline, despite being in the opening credits. Predictably, Annie and Ethan are also paired: Annie works and Ethan is a stay at home dad. The teacher explains to the class at large that the computerised Fake Baby tracks their behaviour and if they mistreat it in any way, they will fail.

Silver hands out fliers, and explains to a baffled Dixon that she’s celebrating her half birthday. Dixon tells her that she’s strange, and she agrees, adding that she’s going to have the best half birthday ever, watching Psycho in Hollywood Forever cemetery. Suddenly concerned, she tells Dixon to tell her that he’s into Hitchcock, and he says that he doesn’t do horror movies: he thinks they’re stupid. Silver explains that sometimes that’s the beauty of them, and he obviously hasn’t been initiated properly.

Ethan and Annie approach, clutching their fake baby, and Annie tells Ethan that since she’s a high-powered attorney, he can take the baby during business hours. Dixon asks after his nephew, and Ethan explains that it’s a girl. Ethan and Dixon walk off together, and Silver tells Annie they have it backwards – first you date, then marriage, and then a baby. I never would have pegged Silver to be so conventional. As Silver rolls her eyes, Annie long-windedly explains that she and Ethan are never going to happen – he’s in rebound, and she takes her relationships seriously, whereas he obviously doesn’t.

Naomi approaches Adrianna, who is ostentatiously applying eye-drops, and asks how she is – they haven’t really spoken for a while. Adrianna says she’s fine, and when Naomi asks after “Mommy Dearest,” Adrianna explains that she’s desperate to be Dina Lohan, and resentful of Adrianna for every minute she’s not. After a couple more feeble assertions that Adrianna’s fine, Naomi cuts to the chase and explains that there’s a lot of talk going around about Adrianna, and she’s worried. Adrianna insists that it’s just talk – her only problem is Annie. She stares malevolently at Annie, who, metres away and oblivious, is chatting to Silver, and says that Annie’s the one who got Adrianna kicked out of the play, and Annie’s the one who goes running to “Principal Daddy” with lies, and after school they’re auditioning against each other for a part in a film.

Naomi eyes Adrianna, clearly thinking that she’s crazy, and mentions again that she’s been hearing things, and now Adrianna’s putting drops in her eyes… Adrianna leaps to her feet and says it’s allergies. She sarcastically suggests they do five minutes on Naomi, and Naomi shakily points out that she broke up with Ethan, her parents are divorcing, her whole world’s a disaster and she needs her best friend. Adrianna looks belatedly apologetic and says she’s just been really caught up in auditions, but she’s there for Naomi. She suggests they hang out after school. Naomi softens, and they hug, as Naomi wishes Adrianna luck in her audition. Adrianna says it’s been a while, but… She holds out the necklace she’s wearing, and she and Naomi exchange necklaces for luck. Naomi says that now Adrianna’s definitely going to get the part, and this scene is kind of cute, given that Adrianna is the demonic embodiment of pure evil.

Outside school, Tracy, Harry and a random Lady Who Lunches discuss an upcoming fundraiser. When the random departs, Tracy cuts to the chase and tells Harry that they need to talk about their son – does Harry ever think about him, wonder what he looks like, what his interests are? Harry admits that he wonders if he’s doing OK, but Tracy says that’s not good enough for her, and she’s going to do something about it – she’s going to hire a private investigator. Harry looks worried.

Into a camera, at the Slasher Cheerleader audition, Annie pleads for her life. Meanwhile, in the bathroom, Adrianna runs her lines and messes up repeatedly, starting to freak out. She pulls out a tiny vial of coke and snorts some, rubbing the rest on her gums. Calming down, she stares into the mirror and nails the line. Back in the studio, the casting director thanks the over-eager Annie for coming in. As Adrianna enters, Annie weakly says hi, and Adrianna gives her the ultimate sarcastic wave. Annie leaves, and the casting director asks Adrianna if she’s ready. Adrianna, high as a kite, bellows that she’s ready to ROCK IT.