Gossip Girl, S02 E06: New Haven Can Wait.
Previously on Gossip Girl, Serena and Blair fought because Serena wanted that little light of hers to shine, while Blair wanted to continue being neurotic and needy. This week, the gang all visit their college of choice – which happens to be the exact same school. Isn’t that convenient?
We open on Blair as Eliza Doolittle being tutored in speech by Henry Higgins. Those My Fair Lady references are so in among today’s youth, aren’t they? Blair pitifully struggles through the lesson before squawking, “I’m a straight A student, I am!” Her Cockney accent is dreadful, but it’s her dream, so she’s allowed. Unfortunately for Blair, her dream also includes Serena, who majestically appears in order to show off her perfect diction.
Blair wakes from her nightmare to breakfast in bed and Ms GG’s voiceover. The anonymous one is talking about dreams – good, bad, and the ones we’ve had our whole lives. Blair drives the point home by talking joyfully to Dorota about her visit to Yale that day. She’s always wanted to go to Yale, and remembers sleeping in her father’s Yale sweatshirt every night. Add daddy issues to Blair’s eventual therapy list. She is certain that she’ll be invited to the dean’s private reception, because she gives “great interview.” Dorota sits down on the bed and tells Blair, very sincerely, that she is so proud of her. Since Dorota is actually getting lines this week and is even being set up as a substitute mother for Blair, I figured it was about time I checked IMDb for the spelling of her name, since up till now I’ve just been making it up. Blair replies that she is so ready to be around people more like her, and less like…. Dorota holds up Page Six, which features a huge photo of Serena. It also informs us that Ramona wong (sic) was seen embrassing (sic) John Henry. Is it wrong that I’m more interested in an emerging storyline for Ramona than I am in this feud?
In the House of van der Woodsen, Serena is preparing to leave for Brown, though Lily isn’t so certain about that idea. Apparently, Serena received an invitation from the Yale dean, asking her to tour Yale instead. Serena, however, is convinced that Brown is the school for her. “The invitation is hand-written, Serena. In cursive,” Lily points out. Well, block capitals might look a bit juvenile, coming from the dean of one of the best schools in the US. I bet he didn’t even put little smiley faces above the I’s. Despite this impressive gesture, Serena thinks that Yale is for over-achieving bookworms and preppies – the Blairs of the world. Even though she and Blair aren’t speaking, she won’t step on that particular landmine. This plot device makes no sense. I mean, Yale is a big school. I think they could both go there if they wanted to.
Back with Dorota and Blair, Blair is repeating Serena’s comment that they’re not speaking to each other, though Serena has apparently been “everywhere” since her mother’s show. Dorota helpfully points out that Marc Jacobs named a purse after her. Poppy, it seems, was purely a plot device for one week and hasn’t been seen anywhere.
Lily unpacks a couple of dresses that Eleanor Waldorf sent over, one of which is for Serena. I think this is meant to signify just how much Serena has arrived, that she is now receiving free designer clothes, but considering it’s the mother of her friend from childhood, it doesn’t really signify much.
Chez Humphrey, Dan is stressing about his Yale application, which leads to Rufus giving him a pep talk. He reminds Dan that he has “near perfect grades, excellent SATs, more talent than money could ever buy.” Dude, this is Yale. Near perfect ain’t gonna cut it. Rufus, however, overlooks this fact.
In Chuck’s house? Nate’s house? Doesn’t Chuck live with the van der Woodsens? Does he have his own private suite? I’m confused. Anyway, they’re in a room filled with posh, 60s inspired furniture. Chuck finishes filling a flask and tells Nate to get ready – they’re “three hours away from horny women’s studies majors wanting to work out all their anger toward men in their bunk beds.” As an English major, I do not feel equipped to comment on the truthfulness of that statement. Nate, who last season was being pushed to USC by his father and wanted to go to Dartmouth himself, is suddenly being urged by his mother to attend Yale. How very convenient. His mother’s family apparently owns half of Yale. This causes Nate to use his special brand of logic: although his heart’s set on USC, it would be good to escape all the drama by going toward the non-father side of his family. Or something. It doesn’t make any sense, because regardless of whether or not his father went there, USC is still on the other side of the damn country, and the drama would have to move pretty fast to keep up with him out there. I’d say that he should just go to some school without any family connections, but we all know his grades can’t be high enough to get in on his own merit.
Chuck doesn’t care about any of that. He’s evaluating colleges based on secret societies, and the Skull & Bones at Yale is the crème de la crème. How convenient. Chuck’s plan is to get into their inner sanctum. “And how do you plan on doing that?” asks Nate. Chuck smirks. “By showing up.” Oh, you smooth bastard, you.
The students gather at school to receive a pep talk from their heads, but really it’s just an excuse for Chuck to be mean to Dan, “Brooklyn’s lamest fiction writer.” Did Dan actually start producing fiction when I wasn’t looking, rather than writing a diary with thinly disguised characters from his life? Oooh, maybe Dan is Gossip Girl!
Serena and Blair meet in the hallway, and the exchange is so awesome that I’m going to do a lot of straight transcription. S: “So, you’re off to Yale.” B: “Your deductive reasoning skills are perfect for a place like Brown.” Serena hears the implied insult, but Blair is happy to elaborate. “An enclave of trustafarians and children of celebrities who major in drum circles and semiotics.” Considering that there isn’t enough pot in the world to make a drum circle sound good, that does seem like a fairly dire place. “I can’t wait for you to come home next Thanksgiving, a militant veganista, anemic and proud!” Aw. Serena reminds her that Brown is an Ivy League school, but Blair scoffs. The only schools that matter are Harvard, Princeton and Yale. My diplomas, all from state universities, bow their heads in shame. “I know you find this hard to believe, but not everyone wants to go to Yale, because not everyone wants to be Blair Waldorf,” counters Serena. “Not everyone can be,” smiles Blair. “Since we’re not friends anymore, let me speak frankly: you’re not that smart…you wouldn’t make it past the first round of admissions at Yale, no matter how hard you tried.” I do believe that’s what’s called “overplaying your hand.” Indeed, as soon as Blair leaves, Serena calls her mom to tell her there’s been a change of plans.
Leave a Reply